Time Challenged

It’s Saturday morning, and the only things on my list for the weekend are two loads of laundry and grocery shopping. Yet I lay in bed looking at the clock calculating what time I should get up.

I am time challenged. I pay way too much attention to time, which causes stress. No matter what I am doing, I am focused on time, tensing up. I count time all the time. Time is never an expansive vastness in front of me to enjoy.

It’s the ready, set, go mentality of getting as much done as possible. Watch the clock in the car, how long did that stoplight take. Ok, it’s 7am, open email. Glance at the clock, good that only took me 15 minutes. Next, walk out of my office and talk to my co-worker, come back in. Oh, that took 20 minutes. Start a project, look up the clock, glance at the time on my computer, calculate how many minutes until my meeting.

This isn’t only regulated to work either. Watch the clock in the car as I drive home, mentally figure out my commute time. Walk in the door, ok, I have an hour until I need to start dinner. Talk to family members, go on the treadmill, write a little on the computer. Oh wait, I’m past my time, better start dinner. Start dinner. Make lunches, boy that took 15 minutes. Next, finish dinner so we can eat. Finish eating - why does it take so long to make dinner and so fast to eat it?

Seriously, I need to chill out a little more on time. In the morning, there is no clock in the room where I do my yoga. Yes, I look at the clock afterwards in a different room, but at least it is not in there. Also, on my way to work, I have been training myself to not look at the clock until I get there. Turning off my email at work while working on a project has helped, as long as my calendar reminders are on so I don’t miss a meeting.

Here is the other thing. I know almost exactly how long it will take me to do things. Therefore, dinner is almost always on the table at exactly 6pm. I am almost never late for work. It is a blessing and a curse. Oh, and “how much can I get done in 5 minutes” is a constant replay in my mind.

Granted, not everyone is this way, but I do think that most of the people I know who work operate this way. We feel so much pressure to get as much done as possible as soon as possible.

In the meantime, getting over my time challenge is really going to be hard. I am not totally independent of time. I work, have a family, have responsibilities. On the other hand, there are parts of my day where I could let go of time. Having a short To Do list at home is one way. The less I have to do, the less I look at time.

Letting go. Turning my mind off. Boy, it is really hard to do with my personality. It’s a big goal, but I want to learn how to just sit and enjoy the sunset without my mental clock ticking in my head. And now, it is almost noon, time for lunch!